I’m at a party where I know two people that I can hold a conversation with and can feel comfortable sitting beside. As parties go though, you don’t really stay put with the same group of people for very long. It’s like people musical chairs. So I sit on the edges of the party observing, trying to get in the party mood. The truth is I’m holding back tears. I am the party pooper! While the majority of peeps were dancing and having a ball, all I could do was feel as though I have grown past this scene. That I am an imposter of this type of fun. But in reality this really isn’t the case, I love to dance and be silly and to have a good time!
Smile! With the two people that I knew at the party. Its so easy to put a smile on even when you feel like a party pooper
Party pooper leaving the building
Leaving the party melancholy, I went home and while getting ready for bed, tears were streaming down my face and when my hubby asked what was wrong, I couldn’t even give him a clear answer.
There was no ONE reason for my tears from the party. Maybe it was the overwhelm of so many unfamiliar faces, or the sadness felt as my friend shares that she is unsure of her future here in Canada. Or maybe it really was my hormones still adjusting from birth or maybe it was a little bit of everything.
Getting back to normalcy
I have done a pretty good job of detaching myself from the babe I just birthed less than two months ago. Accomplishing this by focusing on my physical recovery and diving back into my business. I am rocking these aspects. Clients, consults and business goals are keeping me very occupied. Getting enough sleep, mindfully eating, meditating daily and getting into a routine is helping with find my optimal self.
Mental Postpartum Recovery
But I am missing the mental component of my recovery. The party last night was a trigger, a very much big reminder that as much as I try to go back to my pre-pregnant self, I can’t forget about the hormones and emotions that come with the postpartum recovery.
I really do not like crying in front of people. It makes me very uncomfortable and I take it as a sign that maybe I don’t have it all together. I want people to think that I am this easy going, go with the flow strong as an oak being. I find it so easy to be in control of my surroundings when at home and filling my calendar with events that are not going to poke the emotional beehive. Trying my best to avoid people and events that provoke a deeper emotional response.
What is normal?
Here’s the scoop though. It can take about 8 weeks for hormones to level out post birth with more regularity after the first menstrual cycle. Add even more time if you are sleep deprived, experiencing birth trauma and/or breastfeeding. I still haven’t experienced my first cycle so I should be honouring this and allowing grace with my emotional being. As the weeks and months progress, I am by nature an emotional being and I respect that, but if I continue to have these episodes of sadness for unapparent reasons, I will be getting professional help. That may be getting bloodwork done to test hormones or talking with a therapist (maybe both). There is no shame in getting help!
To those heading out to events after baby, firstly you don’t have to say yes to every single social event. Even if you do say yes, you can change your mind the day of and stay home. No need for extra overwhelm. Two, if you choose to go out, its ok to tear up and be the party pooper. All in solidarity xox
NOTE: At the time of writing this post, I am 7.5 weeks postpartum from my surrogate birth.
Ever consider you might be a bit of a social introvert? I’m not a party pooper; the party poops me. Once I feel my social cup has been filled ( sometimes it’s a thimble size cup, sometimes it’s a jug size), I have to leave an event immediately. If I overstay, I get emotional, melancholy, despondent. This may be your hormones to be sure but perhaps it’s your disposition as well, Erica. Love you lots💖
I like this perspective! I think I find comfort in knowing my surroundings that allow me to be more social. The night after this party, I had my own get together and had a blast. I did know everyone that came and there was a calmer vibe going on.